Derrick Hashslinging
'Description' Ser Derrick Hashslinging is a rather genial and grumpy cunt, who eats stilton blobber pie daily. He also has severe Derrick Syndrome. As of October 2018, Derrick Hashslinging is a rather tall gentleman, standing at 6'12". He owns thy rustled goatee, thy ruffled silver hair, and thy wrestled wrinkled face. Due to his severe Derrick syndrome his penile region is abnormally small, but he compensates for it with the size of his forehead. It is also said that if he looks you directly in the eye thy will start to uncontrollably pluck at your eyebrows, and that Derrick has a secret third nipple which he isolates from thy rest of thy nipplage. 'History' BIRTH Ser Derrick Hashslinging was born in 0 DD, in Barrow-in-Furness, which is located in the west coast of England. He was born in a bath - his mother didn't realise she had been impregnated, so therefore she was sat fully clothed in thy bath (smoking heroine and drinking liquidised cat shit (this was due to rationing, because of Thy Rather Mediocrely-Sized War of Barrow-in-Furness)). Derrick glided along thy bottom of thy bath, immediately after birth, ripping straight through his mother's cardigan (which she was wearing on her nether regions), and when his mother heard thy thud of thy Derrick Hashslinging, she screamed out, "Oh no, it appears I've shetted on my new cardigan, this was meant to be relaxing and now it stinks of shit!" Derrick then let out a dreadful scream as he simmered in thy bath water, his mother was not impressed - she continued to exclaim the following: "Why thy feck is thy shet squelching about, my shets are most usually stagnant!" 24 hours after Derrick's mother gave birth to Derrick, she couldn't handle the sad truth - that Derrick Hashslinging was indeed a simmerer, so she decided to fling Ser Derrick out of thy bathroom window! However, before she did thy dreadful act, she whispered in his ear, "I declare you 'Ser Derrick Hashslinging', but I cannot let you simmer in my family bathroom much longer - I must ask you to leave!" But before Derrick could do a shet of wrongdoing, his mother did a Taiwanese Flying Leg Flex , sending Ser Derrick flying out of thy window, onto thy road below. CHILDHOOD Shortly after Ser Derrick Hashslinging had been Taiwanese flying leg flexed out of thy family bathroom window, a random bulldog by thy name of Carla came by and urinated upon his faceular region, which instantly shocked Derrick, in fact, Derrick was so disgusted by thy urination, he skinned thy bulldog, and he threw thy c*nt in thy beck of Mosul. He then spent 15 years roaming thy sea-side town of Barrow-in-Furness, and Derrick foraged his sustenance from thy left over excrement of thy Seaside Paul. TEENAGE LIFE Derrick unexpectedly decided that he had had enough of Seaside Paul's painful excrement, so Ser Derrick said his final farewells to everybody he knew (all one of them), and he then moved to Bethlehem, Israel. When he was In Israel he decided to try thy national delicacy, which was thy dish of limpets and stuffed turmeric sauce with a side dish of braided fish hair. Following thy consumption of thy dirty middle eastern cuisine, he then began to hallucinate. Thy hallucinations told Derrick to "go and bloody lop off thy legs so that thy mayeth return to thy vastly stumpy fetal form!". Derrick pondered on such a task, he grabbed some steel toast tongs and instantaneously cropped thy legs from his body. He merrily stumbled his way to a small barn, where he found a child in a manger. He proceeded to bludgeon thy wee cunt to death with a sock filled with sand, and therefore Derrick needed to disguise him self as thy petite new born. Subsequently, he climbed inside thy nostrils of thy child, and started to wail like thy child would. Later on in thy night, thy child's mother came to check on him. She proclaimed him Jesus Christ, but before thy child's mother could leave thy barn, Derrick hopped out of thy manger and strangled her to death with his small child cock, and he then did this to every other member of thy child's family. Derrick Grappled thy most moist Gadgy he could find and rode it everywhere. ADULT LIFE After he had finished such a disturbing task, he decided to travel from Bethlehem to Tabuk which is located in thy most desert region of Saudi Arabia. While roaming thy rugged sand paths of Tabuk he came across a young fellow of thy nogular kind. Thy nig then pronounced to Derrick " Sup nigger I hear you're thy Ser Derrick Hashslinging, I've heard much about you and I need to tell you something." Ser Derrick then reposted in anger and brandished his long sharp toe nail and started to hack away at thy young fellow, severing his arteries and dicing his flesh. With thy young nogular fellows last breath he exclaimed to Derrick "NO I AM YOUR FATHERRRRR...UGHHHHH... ." Ser Derrick Hashslinging then realised what he had done and squatted on the spot and urinated furiously, with such anger, guilt, despondency, dolefulness, downcastness, dejection, and woe that it began to burn spicily. His child sized bellend burst into huge amounts of fleshy morsels. Derrick Hashslinging then went into a blooded daze and then collapsed onto the sand below him. Ser Derrick then woke up In the back of a wooden cart with his bruised bellend crater stitched up with chicken feathers, as he glanced at the driver of thy cart he saw a dirty middle eastern man covered in what looks like horse hair and mulberry cavern table cloth. Ser Derrick then said to thy driver " EXUSE ME YOU BELLIGERENT CUNT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, YOU NEED TO LET ME GO OR ILL TIE YOU UP AND PUT YOU IN THY SANDY TUMERIC DISSOLVER!!." The driver then claimed "Vimbela uphuthi noma ngizokuthuma enkukhu yami ethosiwe i-drama yomculo!!." Derrick then fainted once more. When Ser Derrick Hashslinging awoke from his heat induced slumber he then realised where he was, he had been dumped at the side of thy river Jordan. Derrick Hashslinging then decided to ponder his way further down the river, eventually he came across a bustling crowd of dirty, undusted, crummy, dishevelled, dusty, filthy, greasy, grimy, messy ,terracotta-like middle eastern commoners. As Derrick saltated through the crowd he could hear the sound of splurging water. When he arrived at the riverside he saw a bearded knave getting aggressively dunked under thy dirty piss water, so Ser Derrick then wanted to emancipate the young knave, Derrick then proceeded to perform a Cantonese Rear Naked Headlock upon thy belligerent man who was dunking the knave in a unheathly manner. But as Ser Derrick had a closer inspection of thy young knave he, attained the knowledge that he had just saved Jesus Christ. Derrick then performed a Eritrean Twisted Wrist Launch upon Jesus Christ instantly killing him. A couple days of consistently pondering around thy river Jordan Ser Derrick Hashslinging then had an idea: he was going to travel to Sudan for thy most sandy of heaths dwell there. Still thinking of his dad that he had just slaughtered, Derrick decided to have a green bean tasting session in Egypt to calm his guilt. When Derrick arrived in Egypt he could sense slavery in the air (Ser Derrick then told us that thy reasons for his slavery senses were because of the mass amounts of Jewish excrement and kinky leather whips laying on thy sandy floor). Ser Derrick was astounded by the power of the slave owners in Egypt, he wanted that kind of power over others, so Ser Derrick vowed to keep slaves until his untimely death. Later on in the week Derrick met a old slave owner, Ser Derrick asked the slave owner if he could purchase some of his finest female slaves, the owner then exclaims "for what use do you desire my finest female slaves?" Derrick replies with "for raping, ravaging, plundering, despoiling, and boiling in a ceramic vial of course." The old slave owner then reposted with " NAY you shan't have thy female slaves thy dirty, infested cunt, FUCK OFF!!." Derrick Hashslinging did not take kindly to thy slaver's insults, so Derrick did a Right Royal Sudanese Smash-Up, instantly severing the slaver's spinals regions until they looked like bits of sliced Manchengo Cheese. Derrick followed it up with a dastardly Dreadful Tibetan Toe-Twist which over a period of 3 minutes burned all the toe hairs off of his twisted toe. Every single being in Aswam'Dam turned to see what the commotion was all about, when they saw that their was a kerfuffle all the big niggas conveyed them selves towards Derrick. At this time Derrick knew what was bout to go down in this town. Ser Derrick was well and truly ecklefecked but then Derrick heard a big swoosh from behind and felt a awful smack to the back of his head, luckily for Derrick he knew what had hit the back of his head just from the gust of stanky air that followed straight after, he had been bludgeoned from behind with a big nigga's Stank Stick. the stank stick was a big, dark, and certainly stanky. Derrick quickly regained consciousness as he awoke he realised that his garments had been relinquished, he was there on the sandy floor butt bollock naked, spread eagle as if someone had had their way with Derrick's unknowing body. Derrick Felt a sharp pain in his anal region, as he blundered on to his feet he felt his sphincter loosen excrement piled out of Derrick nether regions. it was like a waterfall but the waterfall wasn't made out of water instead it was made out of dark arse sprayin mayhem that looked pretty gangrenous. Derrick then floundered his way to Libya splat fart the whole way there, Derrick finally made it to the internationally famous Libyan toilets that are made out of Ulaanbaatar donkey bone ceramic. As Derrick perched his derrière onto the piss ridden seat he hear all mighty parp from the cubicle on his left, following the parp some wonderful stench wafted towards Derricks nose. It was the most divine smell he had ever inhaled. He suddenly started to reminisce about that fateful minute he spent with his mother, the smells, the taste , the touch. As he stopped reminiscing about his mother and the time he spent with her , he sprawled his way over to the cubicle on the left, he heard the noise of a bubbling liquid that he was certain he'd heard before. Derrick was angered by the remembrance of what his mother had done to him when he was a new born, he blasted his head into the cubicle door instantly shattering it into little splintering pieces of waxed polystyrene. He couldn't believe what was sitting on that piss ridden Ulaanbaatar donkey bone ceramic toilet seat, Derrick started to feel a bit sad. It was his mother, smoking heroine and drinking liquidised cat shit. Derrick asked her why she discarded him as a child and as Derrick said that sentence his mother looked up at Derrick and said "WHo TheY bluDDy FUcK Is YOU CuNt". Derrick Felt even more saddened by what his mother had exclaimed he then followed on to slide his nigger cunt leather steel toed boots on and slammed his boots into his mother's face, instantly crushing her skull into tiny little bits of shit soaked bone fragments. Derrick then unequipped his nigger cunt leather steel toed boots and carried on being barefoot and proud. He wandered his way out of the piss ridden unisex toilet; onto sandier pastures. Derrick thinking back on the decimation of his mother he was for the first time in a long time happy, his face contorted into a rather paedophilic style smile he knew he had carried out what must've been done. As Derrick pranced around the exterior of the toilet hut he noticed a robed figure in his peripheral vision, Derrick felt on edge he instantly renounced his prancing and walked towards this robed fellow. But before Derrick could exclaim to the man, the man did a Nandedian Spinning Head Sit, instantly killing Derrick. THREE DAYS AFTER DEATH Thy sky was black with dread, thy ground shook with anger, and thunder and lighting ravaged thy Heath. Nog volunteers everywhere bellowed in despondency until thy eve of thy fourth day of derricks death; a decrepit smelly old cunt conveyed her way through thy swarming crowd of nogs that surrounded Derrick. She glanced at Derrick's smackhead-like body on thy floor, spread her flaps, and excreted a vague mixture of piss and yeast infection onto Derrick's unsuspecting and unconscious face. Derrick's eyes opened, and an expression of pain was vividly covering his face. He instantly sprouted off of thy floor into a up right power stance he thwacked thy decrepit old cunt with an Agadirian Anal Thwipple instantly proliferating her derriere. Derrick then foretasted that he should leave Libya; so he did. 2 MONTHS LATER Derrick finally had traipsed all the way to Tajikistan from Libya. His feet bleeding and bruised Derrick decided to go and have a Tajiki moisturised foot bath. As he doused his tootsies into thy slightly tinged looking broth he felt a pinch on his easterly toe, Derrick was infuriated by the pain he felt so he swung his tootsies out of thy broth to inspect the damage. As Derrick inspected the easterly toe he realised what had pinched him, it was his arch-nemesis Baanguştarin. Derrick projected himself onto Baanguştarin, Baanguştarin's bones instantly shattering under Derricks unctuous body, Derrick proceeded to pull his pantaloons down to his weighty ankles and span his fastidious anus wide open, allowing the most substantial shit to cingulate all over Baanguştarin. Baanguştarin was asphyxiated by Derrick's faecal matter. Derrick then saw a truly hearty steed hitched outside of a traditional Tajikistan ale house. Derrick then viewed his surroundings in a most manic manner, he realised nobody was peering in his direction. Derrick then saltated towards the red imbued horse ( which he later named Red Winston ). Derrick then precipitated onto the hearty stead and decided to canter in an weasterly direction. 'TEN HOURS LATER' Derrick then found himself on a foggy moist heath. Suddenly a tainted silhouette perambulated out of thy darkness, Derrick unsheathed his primitively formed Sudanese sabre , he then exclaimed to the tainted silhouette "what the fuck are you fucking doing upon this fucking heath you cunt ?" The silhouette replied "Je suis sur cette sante en raison de l'imcompetence de vos meres". Below is thy original and untranslated version of thine text: ' ' S'r d'rrick hashslinging is a rath'r genial and grumpy cunt, who is't engluts stilton blobb'r pie daily. That gent eke hast sev're d'rrick syndrome. As of octob'r 2018, d'rrick hashslinging is a rath'r tall gentleman, standing at 6'12". That gent owns thy rustl'd goatee, thy ruffl'd silv'r hair, and thy wrestl'd wrinkl'd visage. Due to his sev're d'rrick syndrome his penile climature is abn'rmally bawbling, but that gent compensates f'r t with the size of his f'rehead. T is eke hath said yond if 't be true that gent looks thee directly in the eye thy shall starteth to uncontrollably pluck at thy eyebrows, and yond d'rrick hast a secret third nipple which that gent isolates from thy rest of thy nipplage. hist'ry ' '''birth s'r d'rrick hashslinging wast b'rn in 0 dd, in barrow-in-furness, which is locat'd in the west coast of england. That gent wast b'rn in a bath - his moth'r didn't realise the lady hadst been impregnated, so th'ref're the lady wast satteth fully cloth'd in thy bath (smoking h'roine and drinking liquidis'd gib the horror (this wast due to rationing, because of thy rath'r mediocrely-siz'd war of barrow-in-furness)). D'rrick glid'd 'long thy bottom of thy bath, immediately aft'r birth, ripping straight through his moth'r's cardigan (which the lady wast wearing on h'r neth'r climatures), and at which hour his moth'r hath heard thy thud of thy d'rrick hashslinging, the lady did scream out, "oh nay, t appears i've shett'd on mine own new cardigan, this wast meanteth to beest relaxing and anon t stinks of the horror!" d'rrick then alloweth out a dreadful screameth as that gent simm'r'd in thy bath wat'r, his moth'r wast not did impress - the lady hath continued to exclaim the following: "why thy feck is thy shet squelching about, mine own shets art most usually stagnant!" 24 hours aft'r d'rrick's moth'r gaveth birth to d'rrick, the lady couldn't dudgeon the depress'd sooth - yond d'rrick hashslinging wast forsooth a simm'r'r, so the lady hath decided to flingeth s'r d'rrick out of thy bathroom window! howev'r, bef're the lady didst thy dreadful act, the lady whisp'r'd in his ear, "i declare thee 's'r d'rrick hashslinging', but i cannot alloweth thee simm'r in mine own family bathroom much longeth'r - i wilt asketh thee to leaveth!" but bef're d'rrick couldst doth a shet of wrongdoing, his moth'r didst a taiwanese flying leggeth flex , sending s'r d'rrick flying out of thy window, onto thy road below. childhood sh'rtly aft'r s'r d'rrick hashslinging hadst been taiwanese flying leggeth flex'd out of thy family bathroom window, a by fate bulldog by thy nameth of carla cameth by and urinat'd upon his faceular climature, which instantly did shock d'rrick, in fact, d'rrick wast so disgust'd by thy urination, that gent skinn'd thy bulldog, and that gent did throw thy c*nt in thy beck of mosul. That gent then hath spent 15 years roaming thy sea-side town of barrow-in-furness, and d'rrick f'rag'd his sustenance from thy hath left ov'r excrement of thy seaside paul. teenage life d'rrick unexpectedly hath decided yond that gent hadst did have enow of seaside paul's painful excrement, so s'r d'rrick hath said his final farewells to ev'rybody that gent kneweth (all one of those folk), and that gent then hath moved to bethlehem, israel. At which hour that gent wast in israel that gent hath decided to tryeth thy national delicacy, which wast thy dish of limpets and stuff'd turm'ric sauce with a side dish of braid'd gudgeon hair. Following thy consumption of thy filthy middle east'rn cuisine, that gent then beganeth to hallucinate. Thy hallucinations toldeth d'rrick to "go and bloody lop off thy forks so yond thy mayeth returneth to thy vastly stumpy fetal f'rm!". D'rrick pond'r'd on such a task, that gent did grab some steel toast tongs and instantaneously cropp'd thy forks from his corse. that gent m'rrily stumbl'd his way to a bawbling barn, wh're that gent hath found a issue in a mang'r. That gent did proceed to bludgeon thy wee cunt to death with a sock did fill with sand, and th'ref're d'rrick did need to disguise that gent self as thy petite new b'rn. Subsequently, that gent did climb inside thy nostrils of thy issue, and did start to caterwauling liketh thy issue wouldst. Lat'r on in thy night, thy issue's moth'r cameth to checketh on that gent. The lady proclaim'd that gent jesus christ, but bef're thy issue's moth'r couldst leaveth thy barn, d'rrick did hop out of thy mang'r and strangl'd h'r to death with his bawbling issue cock, and that gent then didst this to ev'ry oth'r memb'r of thy issue's family. D'rrick grappl'd thy most moist gadgy that gent couldst findeth and did ride t ev'rywh're. adult life aft'r that gent hadst did finish such a disturbing task, that gent hath decided to traveleth from bethlehem to tabuk which is locat'd in thy most des'rt climature of saudi arabia. While roaming thy rugg'd sand paths of tabuk that gent cameth across a young fellow of thy nogular kind. Thy nig then pronounc'd to d'rrick " sup nigg'r i heareth thou art thy s'r d'rrick hashslinging, i've hath heard much about thee and i needeth to bid thee something. " s'r d'rrick then repost'd in ang'r and brandish'd his longeth sharp toe naileth and did start to hack hence at thy young fellow, sev'ring his art'ries and dicing his flesh. With thy young nogular fellows lasteth breath that gent did exclaim to d'rrick "no i am thy fatherrrrr. Ughhhhh . " s'r d'rrick hashslinging then realis'd what that gent hadst done and squatt'd on the spoteth and urinat'd furiously, with such ang'r, guilt, despondency, dolefulness, downcastness, dejection, and woe yond t beganeth to burneth spicily. His issue siz'd bellend did burst into huge amounts of fleshy m'rsels. D'rrick hashslinging then wenteth into a blood'd daze and then did collapse onto the sand below that gent. s'r d'rrick then did wake up in the backeth of a wooden cart with his bruis'd bellend crat'r did stitch up with chicken feath'rs, as that gent did glance at the driv'r of thy cart that gent did see a filthy middle east'rn sir cov'r'd in what looks liketh h'rse hair and mulb'rry cav'rn table cloth. S'r d'rrick then hath said to thy driv'r " exuse me thee belligerent cunt, what doth thee bethink thou art doing, thee needeth to alloweth me wend or ill tieth thee up and putteth thee in thy sandy tumeric dissolver!!. " the driv'r then claim'd "vimbela uphuthi noma ngizokuthuma enkukhu yami ethosiwe i-drama yomculo!!. " d'rrick then did faint once m're. at which hour s'r d'rrick hashslinging did awake from his heateth did induce slumb'r that gent then realis'd wh're that gent wast, that gent hadst been did dump at the side of thy riv'r j'rdan. D'rrick hashslinging then hath decided to pond'r his way furth'r down the riv'r, eventually that gent cameth across a bustling crowd of filthy, undusted, crummy, dishevelled, dusty, filthy, greasy, grimy, messy ,t'rracotta-like middle east'rn ingraft'rs. As d'rrick saltat'd through the crowd that gent couldst heareth the soundeth of splurging wat'r. At which hour that gent arriv'd at the riv'rside that gent did see a beard'd knave getting aggressively dunk'd und'r thy filthy piss wat'r, so s'r d'rrick then did want to emancipate the young knave, d'rrick then did proceed to p'rf'rm a cantonese rear nak'd headlock upon thy bellig'rent sir who is't wast dunking the knave in a unheathly mann'r. But as s'r d'rrick hadst a clos'r inspection of thy young knave that gent, attain'd the knowledge yond that gent hadst just did save jesus christ. D'rrick then p'rf'rm'd a eritrean twist'd wrist launcheth upon jesus christ instantly killing that gent. a couple days of consistently pond'ring 'round thy riv'r j'rdan s'r d'rrick hashslinging then hadst an idea: that gent wast going to traveleth to sudan f'r thy most sandy of heaths dwelleth th're. Still bethinking of his father yond that gent hadst just slaught'red, d'rrick hath decided to has't a green bean tasting session in egypt to halcyon his guilt. At which hour d'rrick arriv'd in egypt that gent couldst senseth slav'ry in the air (s'r d'rrick then toldeth us yond thy reasons f'r his slav'ry senses w're because of the mass amounts of jewish excrement and kinky leath'r whips laying on thy sandy flo'r). S'r d'rrick wast astound'd by the pow'r of the slave owneth'rs in egypt, that gent did want yond kind of pow'r ov'r oth'rs, so s'r d'rrick vow'd to keepeth slaves until his untimely death. Lat'r on in the week d'rrick hath met a fusty slave owneth'r, s'r d'rrick hath asked the slave owneth'r if 't be true that gent couldst purchaseth some of his finest female slaves, the owneth'r then exclaims "f'r what useth doth thee desire mine own finest female slaves?" d'rrick replies with "f'r raping, ravaging, plund'ring, despoiling, and boiling in a c'ramic vial of course. " the fusty slave owneth'r then repost'd with " nay thee shan't has't thy female slaves thy filthy, did infest cunt, alas off!!. " ' '''d'rrick hashslinging didst not taketh kindly to thy slav'r's insults, so d'rrick didst a right royal sudanese smash-up, instantly sev'ring the slav'r's spinals climatures until those gents did look liketh bits of slic'd manchengo cheese. D'rrick hath followed t up with a dastardly dreadful tibetan toe-twist which ov'r a p'riod of 3 minutes burn'd all the toe hairs off of his twist'd toe. Ev'ry single being in aswam'dam did turn to seeth what the commotion wast all about, at which hour those gents did see yond their wast a k'rfuffle all the big niggas did convey those folk selves towards d'rrick. At this timeth d'rrick kneweth what wast bout to wend down in this town. S'r d'rrick wast well and truly ecklefeck'd but then d'rrick hath heard a big swoosh from behind and hath felt a awful smack to the backeth of his headeth, luckily f'r d'rrick that gent kneweth what hadst hitteth the backeth of his headeth just from the gust of stanky air yond hath followed straight aft'r, that gent hadst been bludgeon'd from behind with a big nigga's did stink sticketh. the did stink sticketh wast a big, dark, and c'rtainly stanky. D'rrick apace regain'd consciousness as that gent did awake that gent realis'd yond his garments hadst been relinquished, that gent wast th're on the sandy flo'r buttocks bollock naked, did spread eagle as if 't be true someone hadst did have their way with d'rrick's unknowing corse. D'rrick hath felt a sharp teen in his anal climature, as that gent blund'r'd on to his feet that gent hath felt his sphinct'r loosen excrement pil'd out of d'rrick neth'r climatures. t wast liketh a wat'rfall but the wat'rfall wasn't madeth out of wat'r instead t wast madeth out of dark arse sprayin mayhem yond did look quaint gangrenous. d'rrick then flound'r'd his way to libya splat fart the whole way th're, d'rrick finally madeth t to the int'rnationally famous libyan toilets yond art madeth out of ulaanbaatar donkey bone c'ramic. As d'rrick p'rch'd his d'rrière onto the piss ridden seat that gent heareth all palmy parp from the cubicle on his hath left, following the parp some wond'rful stench waft'd towards d'rricks nose. T wast the most divine smelleth that gent hadst ev'r did inhale. That gent suddenly did start to reminisce about yond fateful minute that gent hath spent with his moth'r, the smells, the gust , the toucheth. As that gent ceased reminiscing about his moth'r and the timeth that gent hath spent with h'r , that gent sprawl'd his way ov'r to the cubicle on the hath left, that gent hath heard the hurtling of a bubbling liquid yond that gent wast c'rtain that gent'd hath heard bef're. D'rrick wast ang'r'd by the remembrance of what his moth'r hadst done to that gent at which hour that gent wast a new b'rn, that gent blast'd his headeth into the cubicle doth'r instantly shatt'ring t into dram splint'ring pieces of did wax polystyrene. That gent couldn't believeth what wast sitting on yond piss ridden ulaanbaatar donkey bone c'ramic toilet seat, d'rrick did start to feeleth a did bite depress'd. T wast his moth'r, smoking h'roine and drinking liquidis'd gib the horror. D'rrick hath asked h'r wherefore the lady discard'd that gent as a issue and as d'rrick hath said yond sentence his moth'r did look up at d'rrick and hath said "who those gents bluddy alas is thee cunt". D'rrick hath felt coequal m're did sadden by what his moth'r hadst did exclaim that gent then hath followed on to slideth his nigg'r cunt leath'r steel to'd boots on and did slam his boots into his moth'r's visage, instantly crushing h'r death's-head into tiny dram bits of the horror soak'd bone fragments. d'rrick then unequipp'd his nigg'r cunt leath'r steel to'd boots and hath carried on being barefoot and fustian. That gent wand'r'd his way out of the piss ridden unisex toilet; onto sandi'r pastures. D'rrick bethinking backeth on the decimation of his moth'r that gent wast f'r the first timeth in a longeth timeth joyous, his visage cont'rt'd into a rath'r paedophilic style smileth that gent kneweth that gent hadst hath carried out what might not but've been done. As d'rrick pranc'd 'round the ext'ri'r of the toilet hut that gent did notice a rob'd figure in his p'riph'ral vision, d'rrick hath felt on edge that gent instantly did renounce his prancing and hath walked towards this rob'd fellow. But bef're d'rrick couldst exclaim to the sir, the sir didst a nandedian spinning headeth sitteth, instantly killing d'rrick. Three days after death thy sky wast black with dread, thy did grind shaked with ang'r, and thund'r and lighting ravag'd thy heath. Nog volunte'rs ev'rywh're bellow'd in despondency until thy eve of thy fourth day of d'rricks death; a decrepit smelly fusty cunt did convey h'r way through thy swarming crowd of nogs yond did surround d'rrick. The lady did glance at d'rrick's smackhead-like corse on thy flo'r, did spread h'r flaps, and excret'd a vague mixture of piss and yeast infection onto d'rrick's unsuspecting and unconscious visage. D'rrick's eyes hath opened, and an expression of teen wast vividly cov'ring his visage. That gent instantly did sprout off of thy flo'r into a up right pow'r stance that gent thwack'd thy decrepit fusty cunt with an agadirian anal thwipple instantly prolif'rating h'r d'rri're. D'rrick then f'retast'd yond that gent shouldst leaveth libya; so that gent didst. Two months anon d'rrick finally hadst traips'd all the way to tajikistan from libya. His feet bleeding and bruis'd d'rrick hath decided to wend and has't a tajiki moisturis'd foot bath. As that gent dous'd his tootsies into thy slightly ting'd looking broth that gent hath felt a pincheth on his east'rly toe, d'rrick wast infuriat'd by the teen that gent hath felt so that gent did swing his tootsies out of thy broth to inspecteth the damageth. As d'rrick did inspect the east'rly toe that gent realis'd what hadst pinch'd that gent, t wast his arch-nemesis baanguştarin. D'rrick project'd himself onto baanguştarin, baanguştarin's bones instantly shatt'ring und'r d'rricks unctuous corse, d'rrick did proceed to pulleth his pantaloons down to his weighty ankles and span his fastidious anus wide ope, allowing the most substantial the horror to cingulate all ov'r baanguştarin. Baanguştarin wast asphyxiat'd by d'rrick's faecal matt'r. d'rrick then did see a truly hearty ste'd hitch'd outside of a traditional tajikistan ale house. D'rrick then did view his surroundings in a most manic mann'r, that gent realis'd nobody wast pe'ring in his direction. D'rrick then saltat'd towards the r'd imbu'd h'rse ( which that gent lat'r nam'd r'd winston ). D'rrick then precipitat'd onto the hearty stead and hath decided to cant'r in an east'rly direction Cheesesandwich.png|Derrick attending thy annual and rowdy Cheese-Sandwich Tasting Festival. Derrickhashslinging.jpg|Ser Derrick Hashslinging. DerrickWar.png|Derrick as he marches to thy Second Rather Mediocrely-Sized War of Barrow-In-Furness. DerrickSumo.png|Derrick during his sumo wrestling days. DerrickmeetsRhett.png|Derrick meets Robert Rhett at his summer home during Hitler's rise to power. BabyDerrick.png|A painting of Derrick at thy Barrow-In-Furness Municipal Library painted by Seaside Paul when he was 11 months old. Derrick in Furness.png|Derrick in Barrow-In-Furness as a fourteen-year-old, shortly after catching a miscellaneous child's head in thy waters. DerrickPresident.png|Derrick shortly after being anointed Supreme Leader of Noristan NorisBasketball.png|Derrick and Noris Kneecap at thy International Jewish Basketball Convention. Derrick'sMam.png|Derrick's mother in thy family bathroom. DerricksDad.png|Derrick's father. RealDerrick.png|Derrick colourised (1899) salmon.png|A recent photograph of Derrick (24th January 2019) Construction.png|Derrick as he ventured upon the construction of the Empire State Building. Painter.png|Derrick with his most famous and skilful painting. He painted this after he perambulated into Salvador Dali's house through the vents. ChidDerrick.png NorisBasketball.png